This view was elucidated by Bridget, who made the salient point that her self doubt
increased in proportion to her awareness of potential musical and technical
boundaries.
"What's making you nervous is your own expectations and knowledge of
what’s achievable ... you have an imbalance between what you know is
potentially possible and what you can do.”
(Portfolio musician)
As musicians gained in experience, there was a sense that they believed themselves to
be only as good as their last performance, constantly having to reaffirm their status as
professional musicians. Despite considerable experience and success as a
professional musician, the absence of formal qualifications caused Jessica, a jazz
musician, to doubt her technical ability.
“I must have been playing for nearly 30 years ... So Ifeel very comfortable at
the piano, but I’m conscious of the fact that I only ever took formal exams up
to Grade 7 and I, you know, stopped doing exams and I’ve never, kind, of
studied the piano to a high level so I feel a bit nervous about that.”
(Portfolio musician)
Jessica also provided an example of how conflicting identities have the potential to
foster self-doubt; in her case it was her identity as a mother that caused her to question
her musician identity.
“I was part of the house band and I was very heavily pregnant with my second
son, and this young guy came along to play and he sat in on the piano and he
was fantastic and I just, suddenly, my confidence went and I thought ‘what am
I doing here’ you know? „I should be at home nest building. Who am I kidding,
going out and trying to gig?’.”
Financial hardship and professional competition: Financial hardship was alluded to
by musicians from all musical genres. Amongst some musicians there was a sense of
resignation to the fact that they would never achieve substantial financial recompense
from the lifestyle they had chosen, while for others this was a difficult issue.
Amongst all but the popular musicians, the music profession was deemed to be highly
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